Many people spend an incredible amount of time worrying about how to be more successful in life. But what if that’s the wrong question? What if the real struggle for lots of us isn’t how to be successful, but how to actually feel successful?
That’s the issue lots of strivers truly face, according to ex-Googler turned neuroscientist and author Anne-Laure Le Cunff. In her book Tiny Experiments, she explores how to get off the treadmill of constantly chasing the next milestone, and instead find joy in the process of growth and uncertainty.
“You’re probably doing better than you give yourself credit for,” she explained on LinkedIn recently, before offering 10 telltale signs that what you need isn’t to achieve more but to recognize your achievements more.
Are you suffering from “success dysmorphia”?
Before we get to those signs, let me try to convince you that you’re probably being way too hard on yourself about how well you’re doing in life. Start by considering the concept of dysmorphia. You’ve probably heard the term in relation to eating disorders. In that context, dysmorphia is when you have a distorted picture of your body. You see a much larger person in the mirror than the rest of the world sees when they look at you.
But dysmorphia doesn’t just occur in relation to appearance. One recent poll found that 29% of Americans (and more than 40% of young people) experience “money dysmorphia.” That is, even though they’re doing objectively okay financially, they constantly feel as if they’re falling behind.
Financial experts agree that thanks to a firehose of unrealistic images and often dubious money advice online, it’s increasingly common for people to have a distorted sense of how well they’re actually doing when it comes to money.
Or take the idea of “productivity dysmorphia,” popularized by author Anna Codrea-Rado. In a widely shared essay, she outed herself as a sufferer, revealing that despite working frantically and fruitfully, she never feels that she’s done enough.
“When I write down everything I’ve done since the beginning of the pandemic—pitched and published a book, launched a media awards, hosted two podcasts—I feel overwhelmed. The only thing more overwhelming is that I feel like I’ve done nothing at all,” she wrote back in 2021.
Which means she did all that in just over a year and still feels inadequate. That’s crazy. But it’s not uncommon to drive ourselves so relentlessly. In Harvard Business Review, Jennifer Moss, author of The Burnout Epidemic, cites a Slack report showing that “half of all desk workers say they rarely or never take breaks during the workday.” She calls this kind of “toxic productivity,” “a common sentiment in today’s work culture.”
10 signs of success
All together, this evidence paints a picture of a nation that is pretty terrible at gauging and celebrating success. The roots of the issue obviously run deep in our culture and economy. Reorienting our collective life to help us all recognize that there is such a thing as “enough” is beyond the scope of this column.
But in the meantime, neuroscience can help you take a small step toward greater mental peace by reminding you you’re probably doing better than you sometimes feel you are. Especially, Le Cunff stresses, if you notice these signs of maturity, growth, and balance in your life.
- You celebrate small wins.
- You try again after failing.
- You pause before reacting.
- You take breaks without guilt.
- You recover from setbacks faster.
- You ask for help when you need it.
- You’re kind to yourself when you make mistakes.
- You notice patterns instead of judging them.
- You make decisions based on values, not pressure.
- You’re more curious than anxious about what’s next.
A neuroscientist and a writer agree: Practice becoming
Writer Kurt Vonnegut once advised a young correspondent, “Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.”
In other words, artists agree with neuroscientists. We’re all works in progress. You’re always going to be in the middle of becoming who you are. You may as well learn to appreciate yourself and the process along the way.
We often feel like we need to reach just one more milestone before we can feel successful. But the time to celebrate isn’t when you’re arrived at success—none of us fully ever gets there—it’s at every moment of growth and wisdom along the journey.
—By Jessica Stillman
This article originally appeared in Fast Company‘s sister publication, Inc.
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