A reader asks:
Two years ago, I began managing Craig, who had been doing the same tasks day in and day out for a decade. He hadn’t adapted to new technology, best practices, or industry trends. My first order of business was to coach him and challenge him to grow and learn. For more than a year, we built up a great trajectory. People saw how much his work improved and commented on it frequently, and said he seemed revitalized in many ways. His progress gave me a lot of hope that he could become good at the modern demands of his role.
Then about six months ago, Craig suddenly reverted to his old patterns. It was as if the prior year of progress got completely wiped out. Only this time around, he hasn’t been able to step up the way he did last year — even though we both know he’s fully capable, having done this all before.
Recently, he has started calling in sick the day after receiving even the mildest negative feedback. If a project goes off the rails or has to be delayed, we work on the problem until it’s solved and later debrief about what went wrong. During the debriefs, I let Craig take the lead and I ask open-ended questions. I’m careful to keep it factual and focused on learning for next time. He assesses his work honestly and takes appropriate responsibility for missteps. Then the very next morning, he calls in sick. When he does return to work, he’s quiet and withdrawn for a couple of days. This has happened three times in the past two months.
I should be clear that the missteps are not disasters. There’s no drama. Nobody is angry and nobody points fingers. I’ve let a lot of these things go that I would have otherwise corrected. The problems I do raise are things with an impact on other teams: missed deadlines, not completing something he had committed to, etc.
He says all the right things about wanting to improve, but unlike last year, it just hasn’t happened. And now I’m at a loss as to how to help him if he is going to be incapable of coming to work after mistakes. It’s getting to the point where I’m afraid to say anything to him at all. How do I help Craig out of the tailspin or time vortex that has consumed him?
Green responds:
This is one of the biggest problems with people who don’t handle feedback well: People stop giving it to them. And that’s bad for their team (which isn’t getting the performance it needs) and bad for the manager (who isn’t doing their job) and bad for the person themself, because they’re not hearing what they need to do to improve — and if the problems are serious enough that they could eventually lose their job, they’re not getting clear messages that things could reach that point.
So you’ve got to talk to him about what’s going on. In doing that, your measure of success shouldn’t be “Craig gets out of his tailspin, starts taking feedback well, and resumes his previous level of performance.” If that happens, good! But it might not happen, and that won’t mean you failed; you don’t have that amount of control over another person. Instead, your measure of success should be “I clearly articulate to Craig what I’m seeing, explain what needs to change, and offer the support that’s within my ability to offer.” From there, it’s up to him.
When you talk to him, just name what you’re seeing. For example: “Last year, you worked hard to raise your level of performance and really impressed me and others. About six months ago, that seemed to change. I’m not seeing those improvements anymore, and you’ve been missing deadlines and letting projects fall through the cracks. I know you can do this work well because I’ve seen you do it, and we’re at the point where my concerns are serious ones. What do you think is going on?”
And then see what he says. Maybe you’ll find out he’s dealing with something in his personal life that’s consuming his focus, or maybe the level of focus required for those improvements wasn’t sustainable, or who knows what. But give him the chance to hear your concerns and share his perspective.
As part of that conversation, there’s room to say, “Please tell me if I’m misinterpreting, but I get the sense that critical feedback on your work has been difficult for you. You’ve often called in sick the next day and seemed withdrawn for a few days after that. I realize that pattern could be a coincidence, but am I right in thinking you’re having a tough time with it?” … and also, “I do need to be able to talk with you about your work without it meaning you can’t come in the next day. Is there something I can do differently on my side that will make those conversations go more easily?”
But ultimately, you’re going to have to figure out what performance standards you need Craig to meet in order to stay in his job. And the kindest thing you can do for him is to spell those out for him very clearly.
—Alison Green
This article originally appeared on Fast Company‘s sister publication, Inc.
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