Compliments come in many forms, and handling them well is an important part of building strong relationships and projecting a positive image. Sometimes a simple “Thank you” will do. But in other cases, praise may have a negative undertone, which you will want to respond to. Still others may be laudatory comments that you can build upon.
Here’s how to respond to a broad range of compliments.
1. “I LIKE YOUR STYLE”
The best and easiest answer to this compliment is “Thank you.” Whenever someone compliments you on your style (“I love your look” or “I love your purse/tie”), responding with “Thank you” shows grace and appreciation.
Don’t undercut those compliments. I once knew a vice president who replied to a “I like your purse” comment by looking down at her purse and replying: “Oh, this old thing!” In doing so she dismissed the compliment and suggested a poor self-image. Anything you’re wearing is a reflection of you. Resist the temptation to deny something positive about yourself. This includes compliments about what you’re wearing, a new hairstyle, or anything else about your physical appearance.
2. “YOU LOOK GREAT. HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?”
A compliment like this one has an edge, so responding can be tricky. If you respond with a simple “Thank you,” you’re tacitly accepting the quasi-insult (“Have you lost weight?”) and the fat-phobia in the statement.
You might turn the negative into a positive: “Thank you for noticing, I’ve been working out.”
You can also sidestep and respond only to the positive part of the sentence, “Thank you, I feel great too.”
Whatever strategy you use, it’s best to assume the person is probably well meaning but inept. A negative reaction, such as, “Do I look like I’ve gained weight?” delivered with a cutting tone would hurt your relationship with a colleague who is friendly but chose their words poorly.
3. “I LOVE WHAT YOU SAID IN THE MEETING”
When someone compliments you for something you shared at a meeting, a simple “Thank you” will often work. Such a compliment also provides an opportunity for you to reinforce the point you made in the meeting.
To do so, you might add, “I really believe we have a great pitch to take to customers.” If it’s your boss who expressed this sentiment, you might say, “I would love to talk to you about next steps.”
In short, you can build on what you said in the meeting and reinforce what your colleague or boss found praiseworthy.
If the praise comes from your boss or a colleague, build upon it. Don’t just say, “Thank you.” And don’t dismiss the compliment. As a marketing professional in Toronto explains, “It’s annoying when a compliment is deflected immediately with a ‘couldn’t have done it without the team/or person X.’ Sometimes it’s nice just to hear a compliment accepted.”
Begin with a statement of appreciation, such as, “I’m glad you liked it” or “Thanks, that means a lot to me.” But go beyond that. Find a bridge that connects both of you. If it’s your boss, you might say, “I’d like to talk to you about this program and how we can implement it.” If the compliment came from a colleague, respond, “I enjoyed working with you on this project.”
4. “IT HAS BEEN A PLEASURE TALKING TO YOU”
If you are at the end of a job interview and you hear these words, do your best to take the relationship to the next level. While for many job applicants this note of appreciation could feel like a throwaway line, it’s a compliment you can build upon.
Instead of simply reiterating the interviewer’s words (“It has been a pleasure talking to you too”) build on what she has said. Begin with a “Thank you,” and then ask what the next steps are, or when you might hear from her. The point is to make that compliment a springboard to the next steps in a relationship.
5. “YOU’RE BALANCING SO MUCH—FAMILY, KIDS, AND WORK. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU GALS DO IT”
From time to time you may get a compliment that comes with a dollop of sexism. The “compliment” above parades as a goodwill statement but embodies negative assumptions about women’s roles.
Your response will be tricky, but the last thing you want to do is accept the premise that all women have responsibility for their family, children, and work. Nor do you want to respond harshly. So, even though the speaker might be well intentioned, you must respond by questioning the premise.
A good response would be, “I’m glad you think I’m handling all those things, but my husband and I share responsibilities.”
6. “YOU REALLY LET HIM HAVE IT!”
If you stand up to someone there may be times when you get this compliment from a colleague. Perhaps you’ve criticized someone for sexist behavior or for questioning your viewpoint. You won’t want to go on about the negative exchange. Just smile and move on.